I tend to stretch the limits...
What limits?
All limits.
The view from down here is very depressing. My days are pretty uneventful: I sleep in, work-out, play X-Box, and do some things that are rather questionable.
And yet in all my need for something more, I still question why I need God.... I hear it all the time from my pastor that in a place like Houston, Texas it's hard to Need God. And I believe that to be true because I've experienced it first hand.
I mean, why do I need God? Sure I am saved and I know 100% Im going to heaven, but where is my need?
Im so content with life I scare myself. I sleep in: Something I've never really consistently done my whole life. I work-out: Im in good shape and am confident about how I look. I play X-Box: Im a geek and I love to play video games (unless something better is provided). And then comes the one thing that makes my dream world a nightmare.
Pornography.
---You never really hear people use the term pornography unless they are speaking of it in a down tone. It's one of those terms that only old people would use (no offense old people (by the way, old in my opinion is over the age of 50)). ---
Anyways... Yeah, I struggle with porn. If you're are shocked by this then I really feel bad for you.
Im not the type of person who gets really mad at people because if someone offends me I always think of how that could be me.... And now, it is me. So please before reading any further remove your veil, and realize that what I deal with is normal, and unfortunately for US... normal is bad.
The church today... Teenagers don't communicate their problems enough, whether it be with other teens in the youth, or with our youth pastors, parents, friends, etc.
That is our CRUTCH... As teens we hold onto our darkest sins and secrets because we have pride... Sure we might have our major breakdowns at a summer retreat, or even on Wednesday night.. But how many times after breaking down before God at camp have you later gotten a call from a friend to check on you and make sure everything is still going great???
Oh yeah I've gotten calls from people, but usually its after I've fallen through the black and they notice Im acting different!
I've mentioned this a lot in my past posts, and I'll say it again (maybe with different wording though) we need to have accountability (ok I lied about the different wording)!!!
The way I see it is this... We have our major breakdown, and we go home from camp or youth service, etc. And then within a week or two (maybe three or more for some) we start to slowly spiral down... And once we're back to "normal" (the "n" word) we wonder what happened.. Maybe it was a spiritual attack? Or maybe it was a problem with our fellowship as teen Christians!
The way I see it, Satan doesn't really worry about most teens after they've been renewed (again)... Because for most of us he knows we will slowly sink back into our "n word" lives. He really doesn't even have to look in our general direction, because he is not everywhere at once so he leaves the whole "don't communicate about your spiritual lives" thing on cruise control! That way he can be in other places doing other stuff (its all a conspiracy man!).
And so young men like myself and millions of other CHRISTIANS battle through our daily struggles with porn, drugs, self abuse, and anything else that brings us further away from the Father.
So guys, know that you're not alone. Porn is a completely normal thing in our society, and trying to hide it can be detrimental to just about all aspects of life (especially the longer it has a hold on you).
Girls, Im sorry I don't understand yall too well. But what I do know is that all of yall need to keep each other accountable with the way you act and dress around your Christian brothers.
So here I am, at what seems to be the bottom of a very deep pit. The holy spirit is very far and His voice I can't hear. But who knows, maybe I'll just keep pushing myself down this hole and try to find it's limit (I hate the word limit, it reminds me of Pre-Cal).
When I started this blog I was, in Relient K's words "On the Up and Up" and for a while it was this blog that kept me accountable. But then I slipped... And didn't blog for a while, and then I was good again... and slipped again... And so here I am using this blog for accountability, but in a different way...
I ask that if you're reading this you would pray, not just for me, but for all the men (and even boys) out there who struggle with things like pornography. And also to pray for all teen and adult Christians, that this fog be lifted and we see clearly that the enemy is holding us back not just through temptation, but by SEPARATION as well.
I think it's time we started sharing our thoughts and feelings with each other, because if we stay bottled up we will destroy ourselves.
And if you thought I jumped topics too much in this post, well Im sorry... But I'll revisit something I mentioned in the beginning.....
WE NEED GOD, I NEED GOD. And although we may not always feel a need for God in our lives I can assure you we do. Because I sit here now on the other side of that argument, and my stone cold heart still knows that My Savior has renewed my filthy soul and that I will never be able to run away from that. I am a child of God, I am loved. And although in times like these I question that, my heart knows the truth.
God's thoughts for ME outnumber the sands of this earth, and my thoughts for him recently wont cover the dirt between my toes (metaphorically speaking, my toes are clean), but I know everything is going to be great.
So if everyone would please leave a prayer request in the comment box that would be awesome, and the person who comments after that would pray for you and so and so forth....
Ex: Comment #1 <---
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Comment #2 (pray for that person)
And guys (girls too if you want) check out the site www.xxxchurch.com its a Christian site geared towards helping the world get rid of pornography. It's a great website and the bimonthly email is really great.
So now everyone pick up their phones and call up someone to check on their spiritual walk. I love all of ya and hope yall continue to read my blog posts.
Blake J.
